With drug addiction, you hear that you can recover and reclaim your former self, the person you were before you started using. With other psychiatric illnesses, getting rid of symptoms means you’re more or less back to “yourself.” But what if you simply don’t have a solid self to return to — if the way you are is seen as basically broken? And what if you can’t conceive of “normal” or “healthy” because pain and loneliness are all you remember?
~Kiera Van Gelder, The Buddha & The Borderline
This. A million times this. I spent the first year of therapy trying to discover “who I am”, and never felt like I came up with an answer that felt right. The depression, the suicidality, the anxiety, the overall instability… that is my normal.
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Hmm…just wondering. Is there a person you wish to aspire to? Are there things you can do to take steps toward that? I know, thought, that that woman would not be the normal you are used or have known for so many years….just a thought. The “who am I” can be really rough.
Well, you’re beautiful, creative and talented. Sounds like some good building material to start with. <3